Let It Go!

Look, before we go any further, let me just say, this post has nothing, nothing, to do with Frozen. Not. One. Thing. Kind of a shame I know, because the outfits are great in that film. And who wouldn’t want to have the ability to turn stuff into ice? Maybe that one’s got more appeal in the Queensland heatwave I am suffering through than usual thinking about it…

But, I digress. I’m still shying away from doing what I need to do. And what I need to do, is let it go.

So, without further ado: My name is Niki and I wrote a book.

I wrote several in fact.

I wrote a book about my overland trip from the UK to Australia, based on the emails I’d sent home. I wrote a book about an actress called Evie in the roaring twenties who went crazy. I wrote a book about three girls who’d written themselves letters aged 16 and who received them the year they turned 30. And then, I wrote a book about a little Tanzanian boy who was adopted by a celebrity couple.

I improved each time. I got better at saying what I wanted to and creating the voices of the people I could see so clearly in my mind on the page. But, I never got great.

I did a night class in creative writing and wrote a whole stack of young kid’s books. I wrote poems and lyrics and rhymes and sometimes, just odd little paragraphs. I started a book called ‘Albert Pickering and the Unlikely Incidents’ – a cross between Wind in the Willows and Harry Potter with a dash of Dr Who.

And then, I had a kid and the only thing I wrote was shopping lists I forgot to take with me and emails to my family back home about what I’d been up to as desperate way of reaching out to other adults, the likes of whom I barely saw once I didn’t work anymore and spent all my waking hours (day and night) with a small baby who didn’t talk.

And then I had another kid and I barely even wrote those things anymore.

But, soon, soon, I shall start writing again. By soon, I probably mean in a few years once both kids are in school, because currently I struggle to find time in my days to do my 13 minute meditation which I previously did every day of my life, but you know. They’re three years and 8 months old now and soon is a relative term.

In order for that to happen though, I need to start with a clean slate. I need to start writing from where I am now and who am I now, and I’m not the lady that wrote all those other books.

I’m done with them. I’m done editing and tweaking and trying in vain to shape the things they turned out to be into the things I hoped they’d be. Because they’re too far apart from what I wanted to write and what I did. Like my cakes, I might have used all the right ingredients in what I thought were the right ways, but they didn’t quite rise as I’d hoped. But like my cakes, they’re fine to consume (and not terrible either).

While I discussed letting the last one go a few years ago with a fellow writer ‘Chip’ and never did, I’m now in a place where I am ready to. I’m far enough away from the girl who wrote it and edited it between teaching contracts and agreed entirely with the agent who considered publishing it but never did, to put down the metaphorical red pen and set the last completed book I wrote free.

I haven’t read it for years, and I might never read it again. But I’d like you to. I’d like to show you who I was and how I wrote and that in between jobs, I wasn’t (always) just hanging at the beach or the mud flats with the dog.

It’s called Watching Ants. In its favour, it’s not long and there are some great moments in it. Unfortunately, given Kindle’s desire to make a profit from all the writers out there self-publishing these days, you will have to pay for the privilege.

I think it’s about the cost of a coffee.

So, if you want to check it out, go to your local Amazon page and search 'Watching Ants Niki Spivey'

If you’re still undecided, bear in mind, I really like coffee and I can honestly promise you, it’s better than ‘Looking For Alibrandi’. A book which, if you’ve ever been unfortunate enough to be a colleague when I’ve been forced to teach that, you’ll know I hate with a passion. It’s like a book spider to me...

Feel free to share your thoughts on it too. Good or bad. Do a review. As Elsa said, the cold never bothered me anyway! I’m from Manchester and I have a lot of coats. OK, Elsa didn’t say the last bit.

#book #writing #belief #journey