One + One = Bananas

Many years ago, my mum told me that once you had one kid, the second didn't really make much difference to things. I think she meant that you'd already given up partying with ease and accepted that the day could well start at 430am after having a child, so a second didn't require a whole lifestyle adjustment like that first one did.

Kris Jenner said, 'One is like one, and two is like twenty'. Now, there's not a lot that Kris and I see eye to eye on in life, but on this, I am in total and utter agreement.

I used to think that life was so hard with one kid. Getting us both out in a morning seemed like some kind of joke. It went from a three step process; eat, shower, dress, to like, a 40 stepper. I had to get him dressed and fed and to clean up after a whirlwind of food debris before I even considered what I might stuff in for my own breakfast as an afterthought. To do the battles about the shoes and the socks and the teeth (and the inevitable sitting on him in the end to get them all on/done) before I could worry about my own attire. To argue about why I didn't want him stickering the whole house at shin level, then locate and reattach an all important and minuscule piece of Kinder egg toy to prevent a full scale meltdown just as we were about to leave. And then, go back seconds after we'd gotten out anyway because he'd filled his nappy between the front door and the car...

Now, it's all that, with another child attached to my nipple, or heading towards the Christmas Tree fairy lights cable with the intention of just seeing what might happen if she tries her new sharp teeth on it.

Getting out of the house with two is an exercise akin to an SAS operation requiring at least three trips out to the car (stuff, kid, kid). And those three trips are all done at a run because I have to start the engine and blast the air con while I load everyone and every thing it's so hot here, and I'm paranoid that someone will jump in and drive away with my purse and phone. I mean, a kid.

By the time I get on the road I'm sweating from both the sprints and the two martial arts routines I've done with each child to get them into their respective car seats; and furious with the dog who's tripped me up at least 5 out of the 6 times running back and forth because, despite 90-1 odds, he remains utterly convinced he'll be invited along this time.

And then, we're out. And the twenty of them - I mean, two - create further trials I didn't have with just the one. One can ride in a trolley, one can't so I have to wear her. One needs dropping at the big creche, the other, to Babyland. One needs a feed, one simultaneously has to go to the loo. Immediately.

Wherever we are, with two, it is a non-stop ride of catering to the toddlers needs (snacks, wees, locating his socks) and then the baby's (feeds, nappies, returning items she's collected Artful Dodger-like while we go about our business). There is no time for anything beyond survival and errands now that the errands take twenty times as long to get onto and twenty times as long to complete.

I used to have a day to catch my breath in the midst of all the kid related chaos. When I just had one kid and it wasn't anywhere near as chaotic as I thought it was. Daycare Fridays. Oh how I loved them. No matter what I didn't achieve in the week, there was always the possibility of getting it done then. And the luxury of a day where I could do all my wees unaccompanied and eat food that wasn't just the toddler's leftovers.

For a while, when Bette was a sleepy newborn, they still were a day of space and calm. Now though, they've become Bette Fridays, because at just 7 and a half months old she has deemed daytime naps unnecessary and deigns to do just two of no more than 20 minutes each. Around these, she likes to be carried. Not in a carrier, but old-school, on a hip and in the way. Yes, even when I pee.

I keep telling myself that despite how crazy it is at the moment, it will get easier as their needs align more. When there is just one bath time and one bedtime...and Bette is old enough to go to Daycare with her brother.

Until then, I make banana sandwiches. Banana sandwiches are quick. Banana sandwiches are healthy. Banana sandwiches can be eaten by both my kids. They also just so happen to be what my brother Mike and I lived on as kids. And while he might have driven me totally insane at times, often on purpose, they remind me that having a sibling really is something special.

Now there are two of them; Abe and Bette get to have that. So while it might well be bananas, it's pretty cool too.

#Siblings #Family #Kids #Chaos